I started playing in bands when I was 20. Now I'm 33, and last year was the first year when I hardly gigged. Instead, I had some time on my hand to practice the music I love -- just because I like it, not because I need to learn it for gigs or for someone else.

And this last year was the first time when I really, really enjoyed playing my guitar.

Let me explain. When I started playing my guitar, hair metal was in its prime and every rock guitarist interviewed bragged about how they practiced 10 hours a day or something like that. They all played very fast and were very technically advanced (though not necessarily musically so). From the beginning my guitar playing was approached with this macho/competetive mind set. But a beginning guitar player just doesn't have 10 hours' worth of material to practice. Hours of practice increase gradually as you become more proficient on an instrument. I didn't know that back then, I constnatly beat myself up for not practicing more and I bemoaned the gap between where I was and where I wanted to be. It was so overwhelming.

Soon I developed a love/hate relationship with my guitar. I loved it but it frustrated me to no end. It became a tool for me to pursue my idea of success, and nothing more. I played it because I had to -- I was calling myself a guitar player!

It's only in the last 3 years that I began to change. After my daughter was born, I was pushed to the point where I realized that I had some issues and I needed help. :-) So I got myself help and started healing.

This last year I finally started playing my guitar because I enjoyed playing it. And with joy came the progress -- I feel like I've made more progress in the last year than the previous 10 years combined. It's still slow, it's still miles away from where I want to be -- but what I do play now feels more musical, more expressive. And you know, it's just so fun to play! 2 hours fly by so easily. Now I can imagine practicing for 10 hours. I don't know if I'd do it even if I could (practicing is more about quality and not quantity) but the point is that practicing is no longer a labor or a chore, it's fun. And real progress seems to come only with fun.

Well, too bad it took me 10 years to finally start playing my guitar for real. But hey, I have a long life ahead of me, and I'll never run out of room for improvement. It's going to be a good life from here on, for me and my guitar.