The past few weeks, I've been feeling unmotivated. Very. The bulk of my work on the album finished in July, mixing finished in August -- and since then, I've become very uninterested in anything. Movies, music, musical instruments and gear... nothing. Nothing seems engaging. I have to force myself to pay attention. It's as if I've lost the will to live.

Recently I realized that it's because I've faced a supreme challenge. For the making of this music, I had to pull out everything I got, and then some. To say it engaged me is a gross understatement. It was one challenge very worthy of focusing every resource I have. The experience was intense and dramatic. So in comparison to that, all else seems mundane, uninteresting, boring.

But little by little my will to live is coming back. I know that, because music started playing in my head again. Not the music on the album. It's the songs for the next one.

When my wife and I had our first child, she had a difficult postpartum. But within a few weeks, after she recovered, she told me that she wanted to have another one. I recall being amazed at the tenacity of a woman's desire to birth.

Well, here I am, a few weeks after my giving a difficult birth, wishing to go at it again.

I feel so gratified to having found this activity, this thing that gives me the will to live. In Japanese, we call it "Ikigai" -- means "worthy of life." Making music, to me, is worthy of my life. It is the most difficult and challenging thing I have attempted. There's no end in sight, no hitting the bottom. I'm just scratching the surface. The pool that I tapped into is universe-sized. There's so much more that I can pull out of it.

A few days ago, an idea came into my mind and shook me like no other. I was thinking of my desire to make a proper concept album. An album written with the big picture in mind from the beginning. Music that tells a story. And I came up with a couple of ideas of what stories I want to tell. One of which is a really grand concept, one so huge and rich in material that I just can't stop thinking about it. It seems like every time I think about the story, a new idea pops into my head, whether a story element or a character or musical approach. It's like finding a new well. And I get so excited about the idea of making this album. Thinking and fantasizing about creating it feels like one of the very funnest thing I've done in my life. It just really gives me something to look forward to, something to live for. I'm sure it'll be at least a few years before I can tackle it, but I'll savor the long gestation, enjoying all the daydreaming and brainstorming.

All this before my first album is even out! I am getting ahead of myself. But it's OK. I really needed this discovery. Now I have another reason to move forward, and a stronger will to live. I'm coming back to life.