A lot of us musicians get this all wrong. And I have to include me in this group. Yours truly, guilty as charged.

We fall in love with results rather than process.

Yes, you read that right. Let me tell you about masochism today.

One of the challenges of this current era in modern, developed societies is that everything is becoming easier than ever before. You have 200 channels on TV with a remote, porn and music and software are free on internet, you don't have to stick your key into your car to open it.

As I said, I am now a generally happy person. Well, "happy" is a funny word -- maybe more like content, satisfied, and grateful. I have to admit that my kids are totally my source of contentment. Just try sitting next to a quietly engaged 10-month-old boy, banging away at his toys with his little hand, eyes wide open, totally immersed in the most simplest of activities. The whole world is new to him, and his innocence and wonder are so contagious. I just sit there and stare in awe.

I am usually a positive person, but once in a while my walls crack, and I can't control the hurt leaking out.

I realize that most everyone is on the same boat -- we all look OK, all put-together, laughing and joking and acting that life is all good -- but inside it's a different story.

People underestimate the power of liking. Or loving.

The past few weeks, I've been feeling unmotivated. Very. The bulk of my work on the album finished in July, mixing finished in August -- and since then, I've become very uninterested in anything. Movies, music, musical instruments and gear... nothing. Nothing seems engaging. I have to force myself to pay attention. It's as if I've lost the will to live.

I used to have it all wrong.

Before, my goal was on becoming a musician. I even wrote a blog about it recently, because we musicians talk about it all the time. How to "make it." (I deleted that entry when I started this one. I felt weird about posting it anyway -- as if that's not something I should say. Having stumbled on today's topic, it really made it clear to me why I felt weird about that post)

I just finished watching the documentary on Metallica, Some Kind of Monster. I'm not a huge Metallica fan -- I've liked some of their songs, I had a copy of The Black Album on cassette way back (I wouldn't mind owning it again). I've liked St. Anger for its brutal ferouciousness, but haven't bought it because 74 minutes of it would be too much for me.

I think most of the world misunderstand us.

They think we're in it because we wanna get rich and famous. They think it's because it looks cool to be on stage, making faces at screaming fans. They think it's cool to get all the attention -- it somehow validates our existence. We want to succeed, we want to rise to the top, we want to be a household name...

Some of us may have bits of that. I'm sure many of us wouldn't prevent that from happening if it were to happen to us.

I don't have any tattoos on my body. I've never smoked anything. I don't own a Metallica T-shirt. The only kinds of alcohol I consume, by miniscule amounts, is beer and wine -- maybe margarita, every once in a blue moon. I don't swear every 3 words. I hate parties. I think most of live music is too loud. OK, so the last bit is not entirely true -- I can take my dose of loud music. But most live music is mixed terribly, with kick drum turned up too loud and everything else turned to mush. I'm married, I look tame, I don't do cool handshakes.